Iris
Solstice: This poem feels like a meditation on renewal and time’s cyclical nature—summer into autumn, decay into growth. I love its sensory imagery and fluid transitions between nature and self. The phrase “darker faster” builds urgency beautifully. I wonder if tightening a few repeated images might heighten its emotional clarity even more.
Sister: Tender, intimate, and grounded in the everyday. The relationship here feels lived-in and genuine, and I can make many connections with my own sister. The jazz and yoga imagery evoke growth and reconnection. I love the way warmth and nostalgia intertwine. I’d be curious to know how the speaker’s sense of time (past vs. present) shapes this closeness. Does memory heal, or haunt?
The Scale: This poem balances memory and loss beautifully. The childhood moment contrasts poignantly with the later shadow of grief. “Feeling the world squeezed in between my palms” is a striking image of innocence and control slipping away. Is darkness a representation of growing up? If so, does this loss of innocence give depth to gratitude, not for pain itself, but for all experiences that shape us? The ambiguity intrigues me.
Antihero: This poem feels honest and bold, with a strong voice that’s both funny and harsh. I like how it plays with pride and self-awareness at the same time. You could try changing the pacing or line breaks to show moments of pause or tension. For example:
I do not look.
I do not care.
I bleat, and I bite.
I reach for it all.
Maeve
Sterile: This poem captures the tension between creation and control. The blankness of the white room feels suffocating. I like the image of being “mid painting” when ripped away; it suggests interruption, lost potential. What does “disease” mean here…boredom, confinement, fear? You might explore more sensory detail to deepen that emotional discomfort. For example, describing the hum of fluorescent lights, the smell of disinfectant, or the echo of footsteps to make the sterility feel more real and oppressive.
Ice: A lovely, fluid metaphor for change and emotional distance. The transformation from water to ice reflects both survival and loss of warmth. I like how the “heater” becomes hope for renewal. It raises questions about what causes that freezing. Is it trauma, isolation, or time? Maybe delve deeper into this.
Endeavourment of Meeting Someone There: This poem feels minimal but powerful. There’s restraint in the speaker’s refusal. I like the contrast between being listened to “as if it is poetry” and the hesitation that follows. It makes me wonder: is this about self-protection or disappointment? You could expand slightly on the “trails” image to clarify the emotional landscape. For example, describing what those trails lead through: “dust and distance,” “overgrown paths,” or “mud that remembers footprints,” to ground the emotion in something visual.
Boiling: The emotion here is vivid and controlled, like the image of simmering anger or pain. I love “water left to boil”. It perfectly captures tension building under the surface. The repetition of “right answer” vs. “truth” adds depth. Maybe adjust line breaks to slow the pacing near the end, letting that final question linger. For example, breaking it like this:
Was that the right answer
or just
the truth you feared?
This gives the question space to breathe and emphasizes the doubt in the final line.
Jack
The Mountain with no Peak: This poem reads as a battle against self-identity and judgment. I like how the “mountain with no peak” becomes a symbol of endless struggle and persistence. It raises questions about how external voices shape self-worth. You might condense some repeated imagery. Perhaps focus on “the climb” as a recurring anchor for strength and exhaustion.
Neon: “Neon” feels cinematic, like an 80s fever dream tinted by loss. The shift from nostalgia to horror, love turning into a haunting, is striking. I wonder: is the neon glow beauty or decay? You could clarify the emotional stakes by slowing the transformation scene (“Her blonde hair turns brunette”) to linger on what she feels, not just what changes.
Voices: This poem powerfully captures mental noise and internal conflict. The reversed lines (“the chills as a pull…”) visually echo chaos, which I love. It makes me ask: what triggers these voices, and how does the speaker resist them? Maybe vary the rhythm toward the end, spacing lines to mimic the breaking and reclaiming of control: “I take / back / my head.”
This Time Last Year: This feels like a reflective rebirth poem, leaving behind an old self for one shaped by writing. I love “Summer breeze turned to autumn leaves,” showing growth and transition. What does “Jack but wearing a mask” mean emotionally? Maybe tighten that metaphor and emphasize how writing became salvation—“Ink replaced my roots with something that finally bloomed.”
Wen
For the Mariner: I think the line breaks were very effective at keeping the poem flowing while still making it not one huge stanza. I’m wondering what a “salt chuck” is. The words used to describe things in this poem were super creative while also not losing the meaning of the poem, which is hard to do.
In the Black: Again, the descriptor words really stand out, I felt like I was standing in the water when I read the poem. I did have a little trouble with the second stanza and its meaning. I feel like I understand the meaning of the poem as a whole, but when isolating that stanza I got a little confused.
The Sailors Bastard: This is a really good pantoum poem. This poem didn’t feel like all the lines had their place the first time they were used and then they got thrown wherever for the second half which was awesome. It made me want to hear the stories this sailor has to tell. The only part that trips me up a little is the line about foam and ledger; I couldn’t figure out what ledger is in this context.
Uncovering: I think this is a really cool concept. I did have to look up what periwinkles are because I thought that was just a flower, but I love those snails. I thought the fourth and fifth lines did a really good job transitioning the poem to the deeper meaning. I like the image of the day ending and that being when you look inward to discover things about yourself.
Angelina
Infinite: I really like that you connected how the movie made you feel and why it is an important movie to you. I wonder if you added more imagery surrounding the movie and the scene you are referring to, would that make the poem more accessible to people who haven’t seen the movie before.
Last Goodbye: I think this poem does a great job of describing grief. I feel like the shortness of it also conveys that this is the last goodbye. When experiencing loss, it is a long journey, and it is exhausting so I feel like the last goodbye being short and (not so) sweet made a lot of sense.
Eagle of the Sea: This was a really cool poem, and I thought the idea of describing an animal with another animal was genius. The lines hinted at what animal the poem was about, but I didn’t figure out it was a stingray until I read the poem a second time which I honestly liked. I feel like you could maybe add a line to the first stanza to make it match the other stanzas and to maybe point out the differences between eagles and stingrays a little more.
Neither: I really like this poem; I think it accurately portrays the struggle that comes with being non-binary or gender non-conforming. I liked that in the first stanza you said “this essential stand of mine” because that line was a really good attention grabber. This is my favorite poem that I read, I feel like I connected to it a lot. One thing that could maybe be added would be the fourth stanza doesn’t rhyme like the other stanzas, so maybe changing a couple words so the rhyming is more consistent.
Poem 1: Launry Lady
-This is a poem about the clutter and chaos of life and a pause to look over whatever mess you have in your daily life. I like the line “past perfume emanating”, and how it suggests nostalgia. My question is this poem supposed to invoke a feeling of nostalgia or something more weary and tired? My suggestion is to tighten the imagery and make them feel more grounded.
Poem 2: Simond Pond
-This is a poem about having a sense of belonging in nature and a return to something peaceful. I like the line “the lake claps”, it’s a great image of personification. My question is why does the lake feel like home? My suggestion is to expand on the feeling of homecoming for the reader.
Poem 3: TENSE?
-This is a poem about love and a regret for the end of that love. I like the line “the car sank deeper into the black grain”, that is a really interesting image to think about. My question is what happened to the love between the people in the poem? My suggestion is to clarify the emotional part of the poem and connect it more to the imagery.
Poem 4: Prey of Birds
-This is a poem about some kind of betrayal and anger for the person betrayed. I like the line “you made the kill, they got the scraps”, it is very raw and compelling and does not shy away from being vulnerable. My question is there a path to fixing this betrayal or only this lingering feeling of bitterness? I suggest expanding your metaphors and even tying them to the person.
MacKenzie Schors
Poem 1: Last Night, You Came Back
-This is a poem with a sense of longing and looking back on the memory of someone who is gone. I like the line “soft as twilight slipping through the curtains”, it is really beautiful. My question is this poem more about a deep longing or mourning for someone? My suggestion is even though the ending is strong it would be even better if there was more contrast between dream and reality.
Poem 2: Summer Sun
-This is a poem about a fleeting romantic relationship, with the contrast of the warm summer and cold fall. I like the first line “we spent July peeking into November”, it describes the main theme of the poem well and hooks the reader. My question is was the relationship just romantic or did it have deeper emotional layers? My suggestion is to add another line or image about the impact of the relationship.
Poem 3: Living Grief
-This is a poem about heartbreak, specifically the pain of being loved deeply and then forgotten. I like the line “lying on a beach made up of sand where each grain feels like you”, it is a powerful line that is able to transform the poet’s pain. My question is does the poet really want to stay in the past or is this just a temporary moment? My suggestion is to break the longer sentences into shorter lines that leave more impact.
Poem 4: April
-This is a poem about a lost love or a change of identity after heartbreak. I like the line “why am I the villain”, because it brings out a powerful reflection of one’s self. My question is how much of the speaker’s “villain” identity comes from the judgment of other people versus themselves? My suggestion is to make the contrast between April and January more clear, add more sensory details.
Heather Xavier
Poem 1: highway fox
-This is a poem about the modern appeal of mortality and how empathy is perceived differently. I like the line “the vultures do not dare brave the I-95”, it captures a great example of how unnatural things humans have built can disrupt the nature of death. My question is why does the fox affect the poet in such a deep way? My suggestion is to add some more emotional pacing to make the poem lighter.
Poem 2: The Nightmares of October
-This is a poem about a serious reflection of trauma, maybe some kind of violent death or murder. I like the vivid and deeply emotional imagery throughout this poem. My question is how does someone live with such a memory like this, how are you able to unsee it? My suggestion is to maybe make some minor changes to help the pace of the poem.
Poem 3: Plant Eulogies
-This is a poem about trying and failing to keep plants alive. I like the voice of this poem, it is very humorous and keeps any strong emotions in check. My question is how much of the poem is humor, or harsh self-judgment? My suggestion is to probably vary stanza breaks to control the pace of the poem.
Poem 4: To Fly Away
-This poem is about personal growth and having the freedom to do better things. I like the ending of this poem and how the bird takes off to symbolize the poet’s readiness to move forward in life. My question is how is the bird a symbol of being free, does it mean more? My suggestion is to add a short, subtle question at the end to let some reflection linger for the poem.
1. Quez
a. “Love” is a really short poem that reads almost like definitions for the title word. It’s simplicity gives it an almost impressionistic feeling that I like. As for suggestions, I’m not sure I have any. I do wonder why the word “Presence” is capitalized in the second line though.
b. “Memento” is a poem where I’m not exactly sure about the subject. I do like the varying line length. While I do feel in the dark about the subject matter, my greatest suggestion would actually be to add some punctuation. In particular the last line could use either a question mark or a period to clarify how I should read it.
c. “Goal” is a poem about the classic phrase about slow and steady winning the race. The decision to isolate the word “heavier” really lends that word some impact which is really cool. This is the second poem to use the list type middle section, and the last one uses it too. My suggestion would be to try to vary it up a bit. It’s not a problem within an isolated poem, but reading a series with it in every poem lessens its impact.
d. “For the Night Owls” is an ode to the people that stay up way too late. This is my personal favorite of the four. I love the word choice and the line “Sleeping when the stars do” is really great. No suggestions or questions with this one. I just really like it.
2. Emery
a. Poem 1 is a rhyming poem about wanting to help someone close to you that’s struggling. I like the imagery here, especially “the forever ache in your bones”. My one suggestion would be that I want to see more of this poem, and I wish it was a little longer.
b. Poem 2 is about regretting saying something to someone in a relationship. The rhyming here is a lot subtler than in poem 1 which I find to be an improvement personally. I would like to see the rhyming extend beyond just the two lines it’s present in because I think it’s well done.
c. Poem 3 feels like a reflection about missed potential in life. The imagery of something hanging just “out of orbit” feels like a fun visual because it is that out of reach feeling mixed with something still being there. I would want to see a version of this poem that has a stanza break after the word “reach”. I think it would give the rest a little space to breathe on the page.
d. Poem 4 is the only one of these poems that has multiple stanzas, and it appears to be about some sort of performance. Even though it’s not explicitly said, it feels very ballet. It lends the poem a grace to it that really enhances the feelings for the addressee. This poem might be improved with the bringing in of more grammatical elements e.g. punctuation or capitalization. It might lean into that kind of proper feeling associated with ballet.
Dreams: I like this poem a lot. It feels dreamlike, which I believe to be the intention, but it feels dreamlike in the way that you recall dreams in the brief moments immediately after you wake up before the dream fades away and you forget it. The poem, much like these kinds of dreams, feels fleeting in a really nice way which I appreciated. I also enjoyed that there was a nice sense of rhythm in this poem, it flowed well from line to line when read aloud, there was a definite percussiveness to the lines which was cool. I wonder if the poem may read differently, perhaps to its benefit, if you used the line breaks to imply pauses as opposed to the commas that proceed most lines.
Porcupine Poem: Equal parts an ode to the porcupine, as well as something cautionary about the nature of how porcupine’s have evolved such a spiny exterior. As to questions and suggestions, one thing that sticks out to me is this line about “placid souls”, which to me feels like maybe it falls aesthetically somewhat out of line with the rest of the poem. I wonder if maybe there’s something to do with this specific line, that would fall more in line with the aesthetics of the rest of the poem.
Persephone Brings Spring: This is really awesome. The poem of course is about Persephone, and the poem evokes feelings of her in the garden of Hades’s court, being hunted down by perhaps Cerberus? Or something other of Hades’s employ, to bring her back from the garden to the House of Hades. Really great stuff. As for suggestions, I think this poem would benefit a lot from more mythological reference, even if there’s a secondary and primary metaphor divorced from the story of Hades and Persephone, leaning more into references and anecdotes about the mythology would probably be great for this poem.
Fantastic: Fantastic Mr. Fox is one of my favorite films of all time, so this poem was really endearing to read. But even beyond the fact that I like the film so much, I think that it’s a really great poem that’s rife with imagery, and really makes you feel as though you’ve fallen into a huge pile of orange and yellow leaves in the falltime. As the same with earlier poems, there may be something to suggest about drawing distinctions between commas and line breaks. Also, the perfect utopia line maybe could be be tweaked if you wanted to find a word choice that fit more aesthetically with the woodsy feeling of the poem.
Angelia
Infinite: This poem feels like a meditation on depression, and finding healing through other people as ways to form human connections and begin the process of getting better. I remember in class someone maybe said that this was a specific movie scene, but even without knowing what movie this poem is referencing, I think that the poem still lands nicely. I might recommend using some sort of punctuation throughout the poem, wherein it feels as though there are new thoughts happening therefore maybe a comma or period would be warranted. Though of course this should default to your choice as the poet.
Last Goodbye: A poem about loss, through and through, and the profound void of grief that is left behind when someone is gone. I think that this poem is genuinely beautiful, and I think that the fact that it’s not only brief, but a single stanza, works to its benefit. There were two ways I could see it going, either being extremely long with stanzas like waves that emulate the push and pull of grief, or something short like this which makes the poem feel like something that hits really hard and quick. I wonder if there might be some benefit to using less buffer words like “shall” in the last stanza, and instead trying something like “I’ll look to the sky”. The stanza and the poem are both short, I think it may be to the benefit of the poem to make the lines shorter as well potentially.
Eagle of the Sea: I really like manta rays, and just rays in general, so this poem was also really endearing to me. I really like the metaphor of comparing eagles to rays, because I can totally see how the comparison makes sense. Also, of course in case it wasn’t obvious, a big fan of nautical and marine themes in poetry. I might suggest working with that first stanza some more, maybe trying out some different pronouns such as “nor does IT have wings”, instead of using they, which may make it read a little bit smoother.
Neither: I remember reading this poem in class, and thinking that there was a lot of really interesting stuff going on here. I liked the sporadic off-rhymes and slant-rhymes that are present throughout the poem, and the use of italics that are used briefly there are also really interesting. It does definitely portray how it could feel to be NGC. I might even suggest mixing up the rhymes heavier, and going harder into the slant rhymes to make it catch the reader off guard, because it’s not necessarily as though the poem is supposed to keep the reader balanced on their feet when reading it.
Maeve
Sterile: This poem is short, one stanza, and yet I’m really intrigued. I think the idea is super unique and odd in the best way. It feels like the lines you have are just the start of a thought, I’d be interested to see what a longer version of this poem might turn into. It could also use more context and detail. I do enjoy the mystery that the vagueness of the poem brings forth but it’s just a little too vague for me to truly grab onto.
Ice: I like the balance of the stanzas, how the first and fourth have 3 lines each and the second and third each have just two. The idea that “we are all born water” reminds me of how human bodies are over 50% water. I wonder if you had that fact in mind when writing this? I also wonder what you mean when you say those who aren’t lucky turn into ice? I love that last stanza, it’s a super interesting concept. I might want to see how this poem would read if it was one stanza instead of split into four.
Endeavorment of Meeting Someone There: This poem is very short, five lines. The language is pretty simple and yet the meaning behind it is elusive. I like the first two lines, “listening to every word I have to say as if it is poetry,” this sentence is very elegant. And yet it’s slightly humorous as well given that even though the tone of the lines make it seem like you’re defiant that your words are like poetry, you are still literally writing a poem. The last line suggests that this poem is speaking to or directed towards someone, I wonder who that is. This poem could also use some extra context and detail.
Boiling: This is very balanced with two lines in each stanza. I like how well the lines fit together, like they’re a question and an answer. I wonder if the perspective switches in the third stanza; the pronouns change from “I” to “her”, is the I the same person as the her? This poem feels mysterious and the words “drowning”, “simmers”, “boil”, “high pitched hissing”, and “feared” all work well together to set the tone. Again, I wonder how it would read if you made it into just one stanza.
Jack
The Mountain with no Peak: This feels like a confession, a statement, or reclaiming of some sort. It feels like you’re speaking straight at the demons and people who have cost you. I really appreciate the honesty and deep meaning in this poem, there’s so many good metaphors. While reading I could really feel the emotion you were conveying with your words. I like the last stanza a lot, it has a sense of defiance and hope that feels appropriate to end the poem with. The only suggestion I have is I think the word “board” in the fifth line of the third stanza should be spelled “bored.” However, the original spelling may be intentional so forgive me if that’s the case!
Neon: I really enjoy how the first and last stanzas are sort of wider while the middle one is thinner, I feel like I don’t see that sort of structure often. The language and energy of this poem is really cool. I like the lines “defined by the type of hair we rocked.” and “there is nothing more homestyle than this.” It’s just fun and kind of unique to see in a poem. Then it’s interesting how the tone shifts when we move to the second stanza. The words “pain”, “darker”, “engulfed in flames” create this tone of anguish that contrasts interestingly with the spunk of the first stanza. I wonder who this girl is and what her story is. I would love more context on that so I can connect this topic of the poem to the focus of the first stanza.
Voices: This poem is describing how these voices torment you, the impact the voices have on your sanity. The second stanza of this poem is written mostly in italics to portray the voices in the speaker’s head. This is such a strong poem, its tone is harsh and unforgiving. Again, I can really feel the emotion that’s being depicted. I love the last line “it is time I take back my head.” it’s really worthy of being the last line you read because I feel like it wraps up the drive and purpose of the poem. You use the word “chills” twice in the last stanza, you might consider replacing one of these for a synonym so that the lines flow better.
This Time Last Year…: This poem is a telling of your rebirth, how you found your true calling it seems, and how you let go and walked away from things and people who were weighing you down. I really loved reading this poem because I can relate to it. I started out as a marine bio major here last year and was very unhappy. Towards the end of the year I made the scary decision to switch my major to English and I’m so glad that I did. I particularly like the line “science replaced with a pen and paper” because it relates so well to my personal experience. I love the last stanza, especially the line “choose to sit at your own table.” It’s really empowering. The lines “my roots will never keep me warm, my hero blanketing me from their breeze” are super clever. Your roots won’t keep you warm, but just like a blanket keeps you warm, so does your hero (which I assume is writing). My only suggestion is that some lines could flow a little smoother if you changed just a word or two in them. For example the line “their passion lied somewhere else” could instead be “their passion lay elsewhere.” Perhaps consider rereading and seeking out places that could be smoothed over like that. This is very minor though, I think this poem is wonderful.
Cally
Caravaggio, The Fortune Teller, 1594: This poem feels like an old story. I’m not aware of what the context of it is but I really enjoyed reading it. The words you use, like “explicably intrinsic”, are crisp and elegant and descriptive. I love the line “my mind lost in a grievous error – dying”. What a genius way to describe that loss of vitality and life. I might suggest adding more punctuation in certain places such as the second stanza, putting a period at the end of the first line. I’m also curious why you end the third stanza with a period but the first word of the fourth stanza is not capitalized.
New York: I like the satisfying structure of this poem, the way it looks on the page is pleasing. This poem describes a rather dreary and yet intriguing take on the city of New York. I like the line “their souls rumble and creak” I assume you are talking about the carriages, I love that personification. And I think the line “for past cemented limbs” might be referring to the skyscrapers, which is a great image. The only suggestion I have would be to consider switching the line in the third stanza from “who silently live, heads bowed low.” to “who live silently, heads bowed low.” I personally just feel like that flows a little better.
House of Green: This poem has a very calm energy that I love. The imagery is so strong, the language is pleasant and the words are soft. I love the first line “I found solace in vines that curled like whispers”. The way this poem reads feels like the branch of a willow tree swaying in the breeze. This poem is a description of the plants, flowers, and even bees that occupy maybe your house and/or your garden. And yet it also has that personal touch from how you mention your mother tending to it and how the sight of such greenery reminds you of home. I really don’t have any suggestions, I’m slightly curious to see how it would read if you fiddled with the line breaks a bit.
Sky of violet fire: When reading this poem I imagined a lost relative joining the gods in the sky – “mortal to eternal”. The tone feels otherworldly. I like the first stanza a lot, it feels like a good introduction into the story that this poem tells. I think there are a few perspective changes which is super interesting but also a little discombobulating, maybe consider ways to add some transitioning or clarifying details.
Cally:
Caravaggio, The Fortune Teller
This is a very eerie sounding poem. I like how it almost is a metaphor or a pseudonym for the idea of the life being sucked out of someone, evident by the word choices of the longest stanza. For example, you say the line “Then you had taken every last drop of moisture -life out of my side of the moisture.” This is truly my favorite line of the poem, as it really reminds me of a line I would write in one of my poems. It is very mysterious and gives me the idea that Caravaggio is not someone you’d want to mess with. I think my only thing is why is the word “deception” in italics, but the rest of the quotes are not? I feel like it could flow a bit better if all the quotes were in italics.
New York, New York
This is a very short poem, but also a very well written one about the city of New York. I love how you include an older image of the city, as it allows us to really see what you are talking about. The line “a concrete jungle” is such a great addition, and I don’t know if this was intentional or not but it is a great callback or lyrical strategy from that song “Empire State of Mind”. That song just kept playing in my head while I was reading the poem. My only thing is although I like how unique the poem is with the length, I worry it may be too short. I just think there could be some more lines that hone in on the descriptions of the city.
House of Green
I love how natural and organic this poem sounds. It appears to be a house full of nature and the idea of a green environment taking over everything. The idea of the poems and how the nature is prospering in the house is told in a very effective way. I don’t have a particular favorite line, because all the lines really look and flow very well, as well as being written very well. I don’t think I have a lot of critique or suggestions about this one. I think this is my personal favorite poem of yours.
We are never alone:
Right off the bat, “Beneath the Sky of Violet Fire” is an incredible line and a great way to start off the poem. I also love how you accompany the line with an image of the purple sky, as it really sets the tone and mood for the rest of the poem. I love how the stanzas feel connected in a spiritual sense, and it ties together the mood of the poem. It is a very effective poem, and the stanzas themselves are all balanced and flow well together. My only suggestion is I think the italic phrases are so strong, I just would like to see more of them. Maybe every stanza could end with one of these phrases?
Iris:
Solstice
This is an incredibly long poem that has a lot of very good writing and topics that seem very personal to you. I really like the line “This summer I found light held for autumn”, as it really acts as a metaphor for the idea of seasons changing. I really like how personable the poem is, and I notice a lot of repetition with the word “And”, and it makes me wonder what the storytelling idea is behind this choice. I think for me, some of the way the stanzas are structured is a little hard to follow. Some of the line breaks make the poem flow a little out of sync. I just think my only critique is to be wary of the structure, but that is my only thing.
Sister
“Melodies like pollen drunk bumble bees” and “Say words that start with L” are such powerful lines. If I recall, we read this exact poem in class, and I believe it is a poem about the relationship between somebody and their sister. The relationship is incredibly apparent in the writing, and I love the lines I previously mentioned. I have said a lot about the interpretation of the lines and how I have viewed them, and my only question is what are the true interpretations of the lines?
The Scale
It seems like this poem is about looking at the scale of life and weighing out your decisions, as the first line and stanza mentions the idea of this person achieving their tenth birthday. It almost seems like a coming-of-age story, as evident with the line “Tasting the cake like it was the years ahead of me”. I like this line in particular because of the fact that it feels like the tenth birthday is a huge milestone of the individual’s life. I also really like how the poem is just one stanza that has some sort of balance, as the middle lines seem longer than the first and last ones. I think this poem works really well as one stanza.
Antihero
This poem is both very short and very mysterious. It is very cryptic in the way it is written, and I like how it lets our imagination run more rapid. The line “Humble is under my bed” is such a great line, as it really encompasses the identity of someone who is considered an antihero. The whole poem feels like the inner thoughts of an antihero justifying their actions. I do think the poem could be a tad longer, but overall, the writing is effective, and it also is very mysterious, which works with the content of the poem.
Maeve:
Sterile
This is a very short poem composed of one full stanza and lines with the same number of words in them. The lines “A white room with 4 walls, A blank canvas that has never been touched” are good metaphors for the idea of sterility, and I also like how you open the poem wit referring to it as a disease. My only thing is I would like to know why you made the poem so short? I feel like there is a lot of potential to add more to the poem in that way.
Ice
This poem is also short, but it is also so scary and a great metaphor for the idea of life. “We are all born water, guppies grouped together” is a great way to start the poem, as it sets the tone for the comparison of humans to water and ice. I also like how you mention the line “some people turn to ice, looking for a heater to return to their pure self”, as it is a great metaphor for a person stuck in a certain place at their life. I notice how brief you keep your poems, but how strong your lines are. I would just like to know your writing process more thoroughly, if that is ok.
Endeavorment of Meeting Someone There
Unfortunately, I do not have a whole lot to say about this poem, as it is incredibly short, but I am intrigued by it. I wonder a lot about where you are taking this poem and the idea behind the endeavorment of meeting someone. Where is the “there”? Who is the “someone”?
Boiling
This poem feels like the idea of reaching a certain boiling point and standing up someone or something that has suppressed you in your life. You mention “As I was drowning, you tied rocks to my legs”, implying the idea of someone intentionally weighing you down. I like how assertive the poem is, and it makes me wonder about the deeper meaning behind the poem. Also, the line “It simmers in her chest”, but I wonder if you meant to put “MY chest”? I wonder who the “her” is in this situation?
“Love” The poem is really short and I like that about it. It felt almost like it’s describing the different parts that make up love. My only suggestion would be maybe using some punctuation.
“Memento” To me, this poem seems to be about memory loss and feeling disconnected from oneself. I really like the way you broke up the lines at the end, and my only suggestion is maybe using punctuation.
“Goal” I think this poem is using slow walkers as a metaphor for those who need more time in completing tasks. I really like the line, “Goals achieved through baby steps”. My suggestion is to try breaking it into two stanzas, maybe after the word impatience.
“For the Night Owls” I really liked how the words you chose make me think of nighttime, like stars and luminescence. I also like the part about nights in and nights out. My only suggestion is to break up the second line in some way. I felt like it was hard to tell if the speaker or the stars were the one dreading the daylight.
Arianna
“Cardboard Peacock” I think this poem is about being fun and flashy on the outside, but not feeling as if there is more to you on the inside. I really liked the last stanza, but it felt a bit disconnected from the others, specifically the second one. I feel like the second stanza doesn’t fit as well, and maybe could be worked on.
“Theme Parks Kinda Suck” This poem is about not enjoying something your friends do, so you stay on the sidelines and watch them have fun. I think there is some underlying meaning here, maybe about relationships, but I couldn’t really figure it out. I like that it might not really be about roller coasters, so I think maybe making that more clear would make it even better.
“A Letter to a Name” I see this poem as being about a complicated relationship with a family member, and the confusing feelings that come with it. I really like the opening line a lot, it drew me in and made me want to read more. I like how the poem starts with hating someone, but then the feeling towards that someone changes throughout the poem. I am a little bit confused about the family dog line and what that means. I also think that the hospice line goes against the final line, so maybe it would be good to pick one direction to take it in.
“Poem for a Crow” I think this poem is about missing someone who left. I really like the second stanza, it created very vivid imagery for me. I did have some confusion on the first line, I wasn’t sure if it is part of the poem or not. I also want to know if you meant to write should instead of shouldn’t in the third stanza, or if I am misunderstanding something.
For the Mariner:
This feels like a very dramatic, dark, beginning of a story or that it could be extended into a story. The imagery is really hitting here and the word choice is immaculate that really brings you into the story/the point you are trying to get across. I think the line breaks are essential the way you have them and to not change them.
In the Black:
With this one I can’t deny, I am a little confused about what is happening here. Or maybe I do have some sense of what is going on. I just feel reading this is making my brain a little foggy trying so hard to understand it. Nonetheless though you did an amazing job with it and painted a great picture of standing in the water.
The Sailor’s Bastard:
I am starting to see a great pattern in these poems which I am not complaining about. I enjoy reading the different styles, all sort of revolving around the same topic but telling different stories. I think that’s a super cool approach that not many students have done. It is good in the sense that it keeps me, as a reader, engaged in what you may be trying to say in all these poems.
Uncovering:
Again, with the line of storying, amazing. The metaphor for rocks in tidal pools to discovering something new about yourself was a really strong way to draw the reader in. This gives those who can relate a new way to look at it, a very cool way. Also the idea of the way the “new thing” is hidden and can become hidden again after figuring it out… this might not make sense… I’m trying to figure out how to word my words here, I apologize!
Eliza:
Dreams:
I believe this is a poem about escaping the complex life of living as a human to be one with nature—still living but not human. I really enjoy the simplicity and power this poem has. I can appreciate the choice of words and sense of freedom described in this poem.
Porcupine:
I like the topic of porcupines as they truly aren’t appreciated enough-–forgotten creatures even and I am guilty of that. Reading this poem makes me more intrigued in porcupines. I like the approach taken in this poem, specifically looking at the line, “of all the animals to pick, why, must you be the one.” In other words, “I adore you so much but your defensive pricks are a barrier keeping us apart” which I found to be really cool.
Persephone Brings Spring:
In this poem, I like how it makes me think, I wasn’t sure what Presephone was so I had to research. After learning she is a Greek Goddess of spring the poem is coming through for me. I think this does a great job at describing said Goddess in such a poetic way.
Fantastic:
This is honestly one of my favorite poems we’ve read in class. It is so comforting and fun to read. I just very much enjoy the feeling of comfort it brings me with the imagery in the poem. I think you do a great job at painting a picture of the movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox. Though it is short, it leaves an impression.
“Prey of Birds”
I really like the hawk metaphor that opens the poem, it creates an immediate sense of tension and betrayal, and the closing image of “You made the kill, / They got the scraps” is especially powerful. It makes me wonder who the “they” are who turned a blind eye, since the poem suggests a group that should have protected the speaker but didn’t. One revision you might consider is smoothing the line “Throw away without deliberation,” perhaps changing it to something like “Thrown away without a thought” to help the rhythm flow more naturally.
“TENSE?”
I really like the way this poem blends intimate emotional tension with sweeping natural imagery—lines like “Where the alps met their reflection / And the land consumed us” feel cinematic and beautifully disorienting, capturing how a relationship can feel larger than life. It makes me wonder what specific moment or choice led the speaker to ask, “When did I overstep?”, the poem hints at a turning point but leaves it intriguingly open. One revision you might consider is adjusting the line “You could have encompassed / Your in mine” for clarity and flow, perhaps changing it to “You could have been encompassed, / Your hand in mine” or another phrasing that clarifies the intended meaning while keeping the emotional weight.
“Simon Pond”
I really like how this poem deepens the sense of returning to an earlier self, images like “To bask with the sunfish, / To wail like the loons” beautifully tie personal growth to the natural world, making the homecoming feel both emotional and ecological. It makes me wonder about the line “The cruel touch is timeless”, is it referring to the coldness of the water, a memory, or something symbolic about growing up? One possible revision could be to clarify or slightly reframe that line so the reader better understands the kind of “cruel touch” being invoked, while still keeping its poetic intensity.
“The Laundry Lady”
I really like how this poem turns the ordinary buildup of tasks into something almost tactile and tender, lines like “Warmly placed back together / With extra care for the creases” make the act of getting organized feel gentle and restorative rather than burdensome. It makes me wonder what “leftovers from prior outings” specifically represent for the speaker, are they literal items, emotional residue, or unfinished responsibilities? One revision you might consider is adjusting “Pulling it back to it’s original form” to correct the contraction and refine the rhythm, something like “Pulling it back to its original form” or “Returning it to its original form” for smoother flow.
Shep
“Unbroken Trustworthy”
I really like the way this poem turns beauty into something dangerous rather than comforting, lines like “Every smile rehearsed / Every gentle hand begging” capture how charm can become a mask, and the closing statement lands with a chilling clarity. It makes me wonder what specific experience or moment led the speaker to see trust as “a puzzle with missing pieces,” since the poem hints at past betrayal without naming it. One revision you might consider is refining the final line to echo the poem’s earlier imagery—something like “Even the beautiful learn to fear the hands that reach for them” to deepen the connection between beauty, suspicion, and vulnerability.
“Like Insects”
I really like how this poem builds a whole ecosystem of insect imagery to convey emotional overwhelm, each comparison feels precise and unsettling, especially the line “Like larvae curled under the skin of silence / their stares burrowed, feeding on my gaze.” It makes me wonder what kind of encounter or confrontation the speaker endured that left them feeling so exposed and dehumanized, transformed into that “husk on the pavement.” One revision you might consider is smoothing the transition into the final image, perhaps adding a brief hinge phrase or tightening “And when it ended,” so the shift from frantic motion to stillness lands with even more force.
“Hollow Hands”
I really like how this poem treats evil not as something loud or dramatic, but as something intimate, bodily, and gradual. The line “the slow erosion of flesh into thought” is especially striking, capturing how wrongdoing begins quietly, long before action exists. It makes me wonder whether the speaker sees this “echo of sin” as universal, something everyone carries, or as something they’ve personally witnessed growing inside themselves or someone close to them. One revision you might consider is smoothing the shift from the list of sins back into the reflective ending, perhaps tightening “An echo of sin” by grounding it in the imagery you’ve already built, like “An echo of sin, breathing beneath the bones”, to bring the poem’s physical intensity full circle.
Suppose
I really like how this poem turns the surreal into something tender and intimate, the image of “the moon tucked under your arm” whispering a half-remembered language feels both magical and strangely familiar, and the way ordinary spaces (the kitchen, the floor, a chair) become cosmic makes the whole piece feel dreamlike in the best way. It makes me wonder what the speaker is being “lifted” toward, whether this is a metaphor for inspiration, dissociation, wonder, or some kind of internal awakening that can’t quite be written down. One revision you might consider is clarifying the line “one word glows bright enough / to life you from your chair,” by adjusting “life” to “lift” unless the choice is intentional, fixing it can smooth the reading and let the imagery shine even more clearly.
Heather
“Highway Fox”
I really like how this poem gives profound emotional weight to something most people ignore, the image of the fox “fur painted red, / its own blood as the medium” immediately strikes grief, and the compassion in wondering about its unseen life (“was the fox a mother?”) makes the poem feel deeply humane. It makes me wonder about the moment after the speaker drives away, does the guilt linger, or is the poem itself the act of honoring the fox the speaker couldn’t bury? One revision you might consider is tightening the line “I had an instinct to call someone,” by giving a clearer sense of who, animal control, a friend, anyone, so the emotional urgency matches the intensity of the earlier imagery, without losing the poem’s vulnerability.
“The Nightmares of October”
I really like how this poem moves with raw immediacy, the physical sensations (“my hands are turning red,” “the ringing in my ears stops”) pull the reader directly into the speaker’s panic, while the final image of the birds lifting her spirit brings a heartbreaking gentleness to an otherwise devastating scene. It makes me wonder whether the speaker has ever tried to revisit this memory outside the shed, how they carry this loss in their daily life, since the poem shows the moment so vividly but leaves its long shadow unspoken. One revision you might consider is clarifying the line “I hear a loud noise that I do not wish to describe”, even if the full detail is intentionally withheld, you could give a hint of its nature or emotional impact, so the transition into the dogs’ cries and the speaker’s breakdown feels even more cohesive and grounded.
“Plant Eulogies”
I really like how this piece balances gentle humor and quiet grief, the tactile details (purple watering can, singular pink flower, naming the plants) make the losses feel intimate and oddly domestic, so the repeated failures land as both tragic and painfully relatable. It makes me wonder whether the plants are mostly a mirror for the speaker’s fear of responsibility or a way to grieve something larger. what does “killing” them mean beyond the soil and pots? One revision you might try is tightening the arc and sharpening the ending: trim a few of the explanatory lines early on (e.g., shorten the list of watering mistakes) so the moment the cactus blooms and then dies hits harder, and consider reframing the final retrieval of the pots, make the impulse to keep them read less like a comic afterthought and more like a charged gesture (for example, a single, concrete image or a short line that reveals why the speaker can’t let go).
“To Fly Away”
I really like how this poem uses the scene in Maine as a quiet moment of self-recognition, the black bird against the blue water becomes a powerful symbol for feeling out of place yet exactly where you’re meant to be, and that sense of kinship gives the whole piece a gentle, reflective warmth. It makes me wonder what specific fears or doubts the speaker carried into college, since the line “I actually survived past high school” hints at a much heavier backstory. One revision you might consider is adjusting the line “Its’ Large Wingspan takes off” to fix the apostrophe and smooth the flow, something like “Its large wingspan opens wide as it lifts into the air”, which would keep the image strong while making the phrasing more natural.
Shep:
Unbroken Trustworthy:
I appreciate how there’s a lot to break down with this poem. I see this poem as a statement on how we present ourselves to the world and in turn how people interact with us. It almost presents itself as a double-edged sword where beauty does get attention, but it might not be the best kind. I like that there’s a question and answer in this piece; I feel like it gives us a clear idea of what you want to be understood from this poem, and it also gives readers something to think about. I wonder what you mean by gentle hands begging — like a rehearsed handshake or a plea? I also find the transition from talking about a puzzle with missing pieces to a specific/“sharpened” question a little jumpy; perhaps a line between those could help clarify or make for a clearer transition.
Like Insects:
I see that this poem is likening the author to insects, and it appears to have five stanzas addressing different insects or their characteristics. I think the breakdown of the stanzas is interesting, as each one starts with a simile. I can appreciate the cinematic image of a moth trapped in a jar. I feel like this poem ramps up as it refers to each insect. By the time we’re at aunt’s, I can clearly imagine being scattered as that animal and within my own life. I also appreciate the spacing at the end; I feel like it makes readers take a moment to pause and reflect on the great use of the word husk and what it means for insects and, in this case, the author. Be mindful of spelling, and you could potentially elaborate on some of these insect-adjacent characteristics, like under the skin of silence.
Hollow Hands:
This is an incredibly uncomfortable poem; breaking down some of these lines like recoil at empathy is an amazing way to describe the feelings emanating from this poem. I like the peculiar comparisons made throughout this poem and the loose structure between shorter and longer lines. I also think the ending quote is a perfect way to wrap up the message, and I feel like after reading this it lingers with me.
Suppose:
I feel like this poem walks us through a story — like when your kid wakes up at night and wanders around the house. The star references make this poem dreamlike and give it a nice flow. Great imagery when it comes to sentences stretch like constellations and letters curling like comments! I wonder if this is a poem for general motivation and creativity or if it’s about a certain subject; it might be interesting to develop lines that include more context if necessary.
MacKenzie:
Last Night, You Came Back:
Considering the context that this is a dream, it’s a longer recognition of what it’s like to dream of someone you miss. Aside from relating to it, I like the flow of these words and the airy feeling this poem gives as it shows us the feeling of something just out of reach. I wonder if restructuring the stanzas would give it a different feel — maybe giving the world paused its own line. It would be an interesting way to see how the tone changes and how certain lines could hold more weight.
Summer Sun:
This poem is talking about the author’s relationship with someone and how it developed over the seasons. It’s interesting to align key transition moments in the relationship to the temperature changes in the season. This poem feels very push and pull, with one line saying warm and the next being cold — looking above and below. It gives a sense of looking back at something in retrospect and still having lingering emotions. I wonder if elaborating on looking above and the leaves beneath their feet would add more to the development of their story.
Living Grief:
The poem is longer and thorough and holds a lot of weight that shows this person is constantly on the author’s mind. It’s interesting to notice that this is all stated in first person — eyes and use — there is never a “we” mentioned. I think the longer lines work for this poem; they hold their own topics and are digestible with the commas. I also like how the first two stanzas start with questions. It might be interesting to follow through with that concept and restructure the third stanza.
April:
From a bigger picture, this poem is looking at two months during the time period of a relationship. It questions what happened and the aftermath of this relationship. I love the personification in this poem — brows tied together, put you in the dog house, seen as paint thinner. I also like the ending stanza statement that is I am January. The length of the poem definitely shows the internal dilemma for the author. I wonder if playing around with the line and stanza order will highlight some of these more descriptive lines.
11 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 9”
Iris
Solstice: This poem feels like a meditation on renewal and time’s cyclical nature—summer into autumn, decay into growth. I love its sensory imagery and fluid transitions between nature and self. The phrase “darker faster” builds urgency beautifully. I wonder if tightening a few repeated images might heighten its emotional clarity even more.
Sister: Tender, intimate, and grounded in the everyday. The relationship here feels lived-in and genuine, and I can make many connections with my own sister. The jazz and yoga imagery evoke growth and reconnection. I love the way warmth and nostalgia intertwine. I’d be curious to know how the speaker’s sense of time (past vs. present) shapes this closeness. Does memory heal, or haunt?
The Scale: This poem balances memory and loss beautifully. The childhood moment contrasts poignantly with the later shadow of grief. “Feeling the world squeezed in between my palms” is a striking image of innocence and control slipping away. Is darkness a representation of growing up? If so, does this loss of innocence give depth to gratitude, not for pain itself, but for all experiences that shape us? The ambiguity intrigues me.
Antihero: This poem feels honest and bold, with a strong voice that’s both funny and harsh. I like how it plays with pride and self-awareness at the same time. You could try changing the pacing or line breaks to show moments of pause or tension. For example:
I do not look.
I do not care.
I bleat, and I bite.
I reach for it all.
Maeve
Sterile: This poem captures the tension between creation and control. The blankness of the white room feels suffocating. I like the image of being “mid painting” when ripped away; it suggests interruption, lost potential. What does “disease” mean here…boredom, confinement, fear? You might explore more sensory detail to deepen that emotional discomfort. For example, describing the hum of fluorescent lights, the smell of disinfectant, or the echo of footsteps to make the sterility feel more real and oppressive.
Ice: A lovely, fluid metaphor for change and emotional distance. The transformation from water to ice reflects both survival and loss of warmth. I like how the “heater” becomes hope for renewal. It raises questions about what causes that freezing. Is it trauma, isolation, or time? Maybe delve deeper into this.
Endeavourment of Meeting Someone There: This poem feels minimal but powerful. There’s restraint in the speaker’s refusal. I like the contrast between being listened to “as if it is poetry” and the hesitation that follows. It makes me wonder: is this about self-protection or disappointment? You could expand slightly on the “trails” image to clarify the emotional landscape. For example, describing what those trails lead through: “dust and distance,” “overgrown paths,” or “mud that remembers footprints,” to ground the emotion in something visual.
Boiling: The emotion here is vivid and controlled, like the image of simmering anger or pain. I love “water left to boil”. It perfectly captures tension building under the surface. The repetition of “right answer” vs. “truth” adds depth. Maybe adjust line breaks to slow the pacing near the end, letting that final question linger. For example, breaking it like this:
Was that the right answer
or just
the truth you feared?
This gives the question space to breathe and emphasizes the doubt in the final line.
Jack
The Mountain with no Peak: This poem reads as a battle against self-identity and judgment. I like how the “mountain with no peak” becomes a symbol of endless struggle and persistence. It raises questions about how external voices shape self-worth. You might condense some repeated imagery. Perhaps focus on “the climb” as a recurring anchor for strength and exhaustion.
Neon: “Neon” feels cinematic, like an 80s fever dream tinted by loss. The shift from nostalgia to horror, love turning into a haunting, is striking. I wonder: is the neon glow beauty or decay? You could clarify the emotional stakes by slowing the transformation scene (“Her blonde hair turns brunette”) to linger on what she feels, not just what changes.
Voices: This poem powerfully captures mental noise and internal conflict. The reversed lines (“the chills as a pull…”) visually echo chaos, which I love. It makes me ask: what triggers these voices, and how does the speaker resist them? Maybe vary the rhythm toward the end, spacing lines to mimic the breaking and reclaiming of control: “I take / back / my head.”
This Time Last Year: This feels like a reflective rebirth poem, leaving behind an old self for one shaped by writing. I love “Summer breeze turned to autumn leaves,” showing growth and transition. What does “Jack but wearing a mask” mean emotionally? Maybe tighten that metaphor and emphasize how writing became salvation—“Ink replaced my roots with something that finally bloomed.”
Wen
For the Mariner: I think the line breaks were very effective at keeping the poem flowing while still making it not one huge stanza. I’m wondering what a “salt chuck” is. The words used to describe things in this poem were super creative while also not losing the meaning of the poem, which is hard to do.
In the Black: Again, the descriptor words really stand out, I felt like I was standing in the water when I read the poem. I did have a little trouble with the second stanza and its meaning. I feel like I understand the meaning of the poem as a whole, but when isolating that stanza I got a little confused.
The Sailors Bastard: This is a really good pantoum poem. This poem didn’t feel like all the lines had their place the first time they were used and then they got thrown wherever for the second half which was awesome. It made me want to hear the stories this sailor has to tell. The only part that trips me up a little is the line about foam and ledger; I couldn’t figure out what ledger is in this context.
Uncovering: I think this is a really cool concept. I did have to look up what periwinkles are because I thought that was just a flower, but I love those snails. I thought the fourth and fifth lines did a really good job transitioning the poem to the deeper meaning. I like the image of the day ending and that being when you look inward to discover things about yourself.
Angelina
Infinite: I really like that you connected how the movie made you feel and why it is an important movie to you. I wonder if you added more imagery surrounding the movie and the scene you are referring to, would that make the poem more accessible to people who haven’t seen the movie before.
Last Goodbye: I think this poem does a great job of describing grief. I feel like the shortness of it also conveys that this is the last goodbye. When experiencing loss, it is a long journey, and it is exhausting so I feel like the last goodbye being short and (not so) sweet made a lot of sense.
Eagle of the Sea: This was a really cool poem, and I thought the idea of describing an animal with another animal was genius. The lines hinted at what animal the poem was about, but I didn’t figure out it was a stingray until I read the poem a second time which I honestly liked. I feel like you could maybe add a line to the first stanza to make it match the other stanzas and to maybe point out the differences between eagles and stingrays a little more.
Neither: I really like this poem; I think it accurately portrays the struggle that comes with being non-binary or gender non-conforming. I liked that in the first stanza you said “this essential stand of mine” because that line was a really good attention grabber. This is my favorite poem that I read, I feel like I connected to it a lot. One thing that could maybe be added would be the fourth stanza doesn’t rhyme like the other stanzas, so maybe changing a couple words so the rhyming is more consistent.
Sarah Bedore
Poem 1: Launry Lady
-This is a poem about the clutter and chaos of life and a pause to look over whatever mess you have in your daily life. I like the line “past perfume emanating”, and how it suggests nostalgia. My question is this poem supposed to invoke a feeling of nostalgia or something more weary and tired? My suggestion is to tighten the imagery and make them feel more grounded.
Poem 2: Simond Pond
-This is a poem about having a sense of belonging in nature and a return to something peaceful. I like the line “the lake claps”, it’s a great image of personification. My question is why does the lake feel like home? My suggestion is to expand on the feeling of homecoming for the reader.
Poem 3: TENSE?
-This is a poem about love and a regret for the end of that love. I like the line “the car sank deeper into the black grain”, that is a really interesting image to think about. My question is what happened to the love between the people in the poem? My suggestion is to clarify the emotional part of the poem and connect it more to the imagery.
Poem 4: Prey of Birds
-This is a poem about some kind of betrayal and anger for the person betrayed. I like the line “you made the kill, they got the scraps”, it is very raw and compelling and does not shy away from being vulnerable. My question is there a path to fixing this betrayal or only this lingering feeling of bitterness? I suggest expanding your metaphors and even tying them to the person.
MacKenzie Schors
Poem 1: Last Night, You Came Back
-This is a poem with a sense of longing and looking back on the memory of someone who is gone. I like the line “soft as twilight slipping through the curtains”, it is really beautiful. My question is this poem more about a deep longing or mourning for someone? My suggestion is even though the ending is strong it would be even better if there was more contrast between dream and reality.
Poem 2: Summer Sun
-This is a poem about a fleeting romantic relationship, with the contrast of the warm summer and cold fall. I like the first line “we spent July peeking into November”, it describes the main theme of the poem well and hooks the reader. My question is was the relationship just romantic or did it have deeper emotional layers? My suggestion is to add another line or image about the impact of the relationship.
Poem 3: Living Grief
-This is a poem about heartbreak, specifically the pain of being loved deeply and then forgotten. I like the line “lying on a beach made up of sand where each grain feels like you”, it is a powerful line that is able to transform the poet’s pain. My question is does the poet really want to stay in the past or is this just a temporary moment? My suggestion is to break the longer sentences into shorter lines that leave more impact.
Poem 4: April
-This is a poem about a lost love or a change of identity after heartbreak. I like the line “why am I the villain”, because it brings out a powerful reflection of one’s self. My question is how much of the speaker’s “villain” identity comes from the judgment of other people versus themselves? My suggestion is to make the contrast between April and January more clear, add more sensory details.
Heather Xavier
Poem 1: highway fox
-This is a poem about the modern appeal of mortality and how empathy is perceived differently. I like the line “the vultures do not dare brave the I-95”, it captures a great example of how unnatural things humans have built can disrupt the nature of death. My question is why does the fox affect the poet in such a deep way? My suggestion is to add some more emotional pacing to make the poem lighter.
Poem 2: The Nightmares of October
-This is a poem about a serious reflection of trauma, maybe some kind of violent death or murder. I like the vivid and deeply emotional imagery throughout this poem. My question is how does someone live with such a memory like this, how are you able to unsee it? My suggestion is to maybe make some minor changes to help the pace of the poem.
Poem 3: Plant Eulogies
-This is a poem about trying and failing to keep plants alive. I like the voice of this poem, it is very humorous and keeps any strong emotions in check. My question is how much of the poem is humor, or harsh self-judgment? My suggestion is to probably vary stanza breaks to control the pace of the poem.
Poem 4: To Fly Away
-This poem is about personal growth and having the freedom to do better things. I like the ending of this poem and how the bird takes off to symbolize the poet’s readiness to move forward in life. My question is how is the bird a symbol of being free, does it mean more? My suggestion is to add a short, subtle question at the end to let some reflection linger for the poem.
1. Quez
a. “Love” is a really short poem that reads almost like definitions for the title word. It’s simplicity gives it an almost impressionistic feeling that I like. As for suggestions, I’m not sure I have any. I do wonder why the word “Presence” is capitalized in the second line though.
b. “Memento” is a poem where I’m not exactly sure about the subject. I do like the varying line length. While I do feel in the dark about the subject matter, my greatest suggestion would actually be to add some punctuation. In particular the last line could use either a question mark or a period to clarify how I should read it.
c. “Goal” is a poem about the classic phrase about slow and steady winning the race. The decision to isolate the word “heavier” really lends that word some impact which is really cool. This is the second poem to use the list type middle section, and the last one uses it too. My suggestion would be to try to vary it up a bit. It’s not a problem within an isolated poem, but reading a series with it in every poem lessens its impact.
d. “For the Night Owls” is an ode to the people that stay up way too late. This is my personal favorite of the four. I love the word choice and the line “Sleeping when the stars do” is really great. No suggestions or questions with this one. I just really like it.
2. Emery
a. Poem 1 is a rhyming poem about wanting to help someone close to you that’s struggling. I like the imagery here, especially “the forever ache in your bones”. My one suggestion would be that I want to see more of this poem, and I wish it was a little longer.
b. Poem 2 is about regretting saying something to someone in a relationship. The rhyming here is a lot subtler than in poem 1 which I find to be an improvement personally. I would like to see the rhyming extend beyond just the two lines it’s present in because I think it’s well done.
c. Poem 3 feels like a reflection about missed potential in life. The imagery of something hanging just “out of orbit” feels like a fun visual because it is that out of reach feeling mixed with something still being there. I would want to see a version of this poem that has a stanza break after the word “reach”. I think it would give the rest a little space to breathe on the page.
d. Poem 4 is the only one of these poems that has multiple stanzas, and it appears to be about some sort of performance. Even though it’s not explicitly said, it feels very ballet. It lends the poem a grace to it that really enhances the feelings for the addressee. This poem might be improved with the bringing in of more grammatical elements e.g. punctuation or capitalization. It might lean into that kind of proper feeling associated with ballet.
Eliza
Dreams: I like this poem a lot. It feels dreamlike, which I believe to be the intention, but it feels dreamlike in the way that you recall dreams in the brief moments immediately after you wake up before the dream fades away and you forget it. The poem, much like these kinds of dreams, feels fleeting in a really nice way which I appreciated. I also enjoyed that there was a nice sense of rhythm in this poem, it flowed well from line to line when read aloud, there was a definite percussiveness to the lines which was cool. I wonder if the poem may read differently, perhaps to its benefit, if you used the line breaks to imply pauses as opposed to the commas that proceed most lines.
Porcupine Poem: Equal parts an ode to the porcupine, as well as something cautionary about the nature of how porcupine’s have evolved such a spiny exterior. As to questions and suggestions, one thing that sticks out to me is this line about “placid souls”, which to me feels like maybe it falls aesthetically somewhat out of line with the rest of the poem. I wonder if maybe there’s something to do with this specific line, that would fall more in line with the aesthetics of the rest of the poem.
Persephone Brings Spring: This is really awesome. The poem of course is about Persephone, and the poem evokes feelings of her in the garden of Hades’s court, being hunted down by perhaps Cerberus? Or something other of Hades’s employ, to bring her back from the garden to the House of Hades. Really great stuff. As for suggestions, I think this poem would benefit a lot from more mythological reference, even if there’s a secondary and primary metaphor divorced from the story of Hades and Persephone, leaning more into references and anecdotes about the mythology would probably be great for this poem.
Fantastic: Fantastic Mr. Fox is one of my favorite films of all time, so this poem was really endearing to read. But even beyond the fact that I like the film so much, I think that it’s a really great poem that’s rife with imagery, and really makes you feel as though you’ve fallen into a huge pile of orange and yellow leaves in the falltime. As the same with earlier poems, there may be something to suggest about drawing distinctions between commas and line breaks. Also, the perfect utopia line maybe could be be tweaked if you wanted to find a word choice that fit more aesthetically with the woodsy feeling of the poem.
Angelia
Infinite: This poem feels like a meditation on depression, and finding healing through other people as ways to form human connections and begin the process of getting better. I remember in class someone maybe said that this was a specific movie scene, but even without knowing what movie this poem is referencing, I think that the poem still lands nicely. I might recommend using some sort of punctuation throughout the poem, wherein it feels as though there are new thoughts happening therefore maybe a comma or period would be warranted. Though of course this should default to your choice as the poet.
Last Goodbye: A poem about loss, through and through, and the profound void of grief that is left behind when someone is gone. I think that this poem is genuinely beautiful, and I think that the fact that it’s not only brief, but a single stanza, works to its benefit. There were two ways I could see it going, either being extremely long with stanzas like waves that emulate the push and pull of grief, or something short like this which makes the poem feel like something that hits really hard and quick. I wonder if there might be some benefit to using less buffer words like “shall” in the last stanza, and instead trying something like “I’ll look to the sky”. The stanza and the poem are both short, I think it may be to the benefit of the poem to make the lines shorter as well potentially.
Eagle of the Sea: I really like manta rays, and just rays in general, so this poem was also really endearing to me. I really like the metaphor of comparing eagles to rays, because I can totally see how the comparison makes sense. Also, of course in case it wasn’t obvious, a big fan of nautical and marine themes in poetry. I might suggest working with that first stanza some more, maybe trying out some different pronouns such as “nor does IT have wings”, instead of using they, which may make it read a little bit smoother.
Neither: I remember reading this poem in class, and thinking that there was a lot of really interesting stuff going on here. I liked the sporadic off-rhymes and slant-rhymes that are present throughout the poem, and the use of italics that are used briefly there are also really interesting. It does definitely portray how it could feel to be NGC. I might even suggest mixing up the rhymes heavier, and going harder into the slant rhymes to make it catch the reader off guard, because it’s not necessarily as though the poem is supposed to keep the reader balanced on their feet when reading it.
Maeve
Sterile: This poem is short, one stanza, and yet I’m really intrigued. I think the idea is super unique and odd in the best way. It feels like the lines you have are just the start of a thought, I’d be interested to see what a longer version of this poem might turn into. It could also use more context and detail. I do enjoy the mystery that the vagueness of the poem brings forth but it’s just a little too vague for me to truly grab onto.
Ice: I like the balance of the stanzas, how the first and fourth have 3 lines each and the second and third each have just two. The idea that “we are all born water” reminds me of how human bodies are over 50% water. I wonder if you had that fact in mind when writing this? I also wonder what you mean when you say those who aren’t lucky turn into ice? I love that last stanza, it’s a super interesting concept. I might want to see how this poem would read if it was one stanza instead of split into four.
Endeavorment of Meeting Someone There: This poem is very short, five lines. The language is pretty simple and yet the meaning behind it is elusive. I like the first two lines, “listening to every word I have to say as if it is poetry,” this sentence is very elegant. And yet it’s slightly humorous as well given that even though the tone of the lines make it seem like you’re defiant that your words are like poetry, you are still literally writing a poem. The last line suggests that this poem is speaking to or directed towards someone, I wonder who that is. This poem could also use some extra context and detail.
Boiling: This is very balanced with two lines in each stanza. I like how well the lines fit together, like they’re a question and an answer. I wonder if the perspective switches in the third stanza; the pronouns change from “I” to “her”, is the I the same person as the her? This poem feels mysterious and the words “drowning”, “simmers”, “boil”, “high pitched hissing”, and “feared” all work well together to set the tone. Again, I wonder how it would read if you made it into just one stanza.
Jack
The Mountain with no Peak: This feels like a confession, a statement, or reclaiming of some sort. It feels like you’re speaking straight at the demons and people who have cost you. I really appreciate the honesty and deep meaning in this poem, there’s so many good metaphors. While reading I could really feel the emotion you were conveying with your words. I like the last stanza a lot, it has a sense of defiance and hope that feels appropriate to end the poem with. The only suggestion I have is I think the word “board” in the fifth line of the third stanza should be spelled “bored.” However, the original spelling may be intentional so forgive me if that’s the case!
Neon: I really enjoy how the first and last stanzas are sort of wider while the middle one is thinner, I feel like I don’t see that sort of structure often. The language and energy of this poem is really cool. I like the lines “defined by the type of hair we rocked.” and “there is nothing more homestyle than this.” It’s just fun and kind of unique to see in a poem. Then it’s interesting how the tone shifts when we move to the second stanza. The words “pain”, “darker”, “engulfed in flames” create this tone of anguish that contrasts interestingly with the spunk of the first stanza. I wonder who this girl is and what her story is. I would love more context on that so I can connect this topic of the poem to the focus of the first stanza.
Voices: This poem is describing how these voices torment you, the impact the voices have on your sanity. The second stanza of this poem is written mostly in italics to portray the voices in the speaker’s head. This is such a strong poem, its tone is harsh and unforgiving. Again, I can really feel the emotion that’s being depicted. I love the last line “it is time I take back my head.” it’s really worthy of being the last line you read because I feel like it wraps up the drive and purpose of the poem. You use the word “chills” twice in the last stanza, you might consider replacing one of these for a synonym so that the lines flow better.
This Time Last Year…: This poem is a telling of your rebirth, how you found your true calling it seems, and how you let go and walked away from things and people who were weighing you down. I really loved reading this poem because I can relate to it. I started out as a marine bio major here last year and was very unhappy. Towards the end of the year I made the scary decision to switch my major to English and I’m so glad that I did. I particularly like the line “science replaced with a pen and paper” because it relates so well to my personal experience. I love the last stanza, especially the line “choose to sit at your own table.” It’s really empowering. The lines “my roots will never keep me warm, my hero blanketing me from their breeze” are super clever. Your roots won’t keep you warm, but just like a blanket keeps you warm, so does your hero (which I assume is writing). My only suggestion is that some lines could flow a little smoother if you changed just a word or two in them. For example the line “their passion lied somewhere else” could instead be “their passion lay elsewhere.” Perhaps consider rereading and seeking out places that could be smoothed over like that. This is very minor though, I think this poem is wonderful.
Cally
Caravaggio, The Fortune Teller, 1594: This poem feels like an old story. I’m not aware of what the context of it is but I really enjoyed reading it. The words you use, like “explicably intrinsic”, are crisp and elegant and descriptive. I love the line “my mind lost in a grievous error – dying”. What a genius way to describe that loss of vitality and life. I might suggest adding more punctuation in certain places such as the second stanza, putting a period at the end of the first line. I’m also curious why you end the third stanza with a period but the first word of the fourth stanza is not capitalized.
New York: I like the satisfying structure of this poem, the way it looks on the page is pleasing. This poem describes a rather dreary and yet intriguing take on the city of New York. I like the line “their souls rumble and creak” I assume you are talking about the carriages, I love that personification. And I think the line “for past cemented limbs” might be referring to the skyscrapers, which is a great image. The only suggestion I have would be to consider switching the line in the third stanza from “who silently live, heads bowed low.” to “who live silently, heads bowed low.” I personally just feel like that flows a little better.
House of Green: This poem has a very calm energy that I love. The imagery is so strong, the language is pleasant and the words are soft. I love the first line “I found solace in vines that curled like whispers”. The way this poem reads feels like the branch of a willow tree swaying in the breeze. This poem is a description of the plants, flowers, and even bees that occupy maybe your house and/or your garden. And yet it also has that personal touch from how you mention your mother tending to it and how the sight of such greenery reminds you of home. I really don’t have any suggestions, I’m slightly curious to see how it would read if you fiddled with the line breaks a bit.
Sky of violet fire: When reading this poem I imagined a lost relative joining the gods in the sky – “mortal to eternal”. The tone feels otherworldly. I like the first stanza a lot, it feels like a good introduction into the story that this poem tells. I think there are a few perspective changes which is super interesting but also a little discombobulating, maybe consider ways to add some transitioning or clarifying details.
Cally:
Caravaggio, The Fortune Teller
This is a very eerie sounding poem. I like how it almost is a metaphor or a pseudonym for the idea of the life being sucked out of someone, evident by the word choices of the longest stanza. For example, you say the line “Then you had taken every last drop of moisture -life out of my side of the moisture.” This is truly my favorite line of the poem, as it really reminds me of a line I would write in one of my poems. It is very mysterious and gives me the idea that Caravaggio is not someone you’d want to mess with. I think my only thing is why is the word “deception” in italics, but the rest of the quotes are not? I feel like it could flow a bit better if all the quotes were in italics.
New York, New York
This is a very short poem, but also a very well written one about the city of New York. I love how you include an older image of the city, as it allows us to really see what you are talking about. The line “a concrete jungle” is such a great addition, and I don’t know if this was intentional or not but it is a great callback or lyrical strategy from that song “Empire State of Mind”. That song just kept playing in my head while I was reading the poem. My only thing is although I like how unique the poem is with the length, I worry it may be too short. I just think there could be some more lines that hone in on the descriptions of the city.
House of Green
I love how natural and organic this poem sounds. It appears to be a house full of nature and the idea of a green environment taking over everything. The idea of the poems and how the nature is prospering in the house is told in a very effective way. I don’t have a particular favorite line, because all the lines really look and flow very well, as well as being written very well. I don’t think I have a lot of critique or suggestions about this one. I think this is my personal favorite poem of yours.
We are never alone:
Right off the bat, “Beneath the Sky of Violet Fire” is an incredible line and a great way to start off the poem. I also love how you accompany the line with an image of the purple sky, as it really sets the tone and mood for the rest of the poem. I love how the stanzas feel connected in a spiritual sense, and it ties together the mood of the poem. It is a very effective poem, and the stanzas themselves are all balanced and flow well together. My only suggestion is I think the italic phrases are so strong, I just would like to see more of them. Maybe every stanza could end with one of these phrases?
Iris:
Solstice
This is an incredibly long poem that has a lot of very good writing and topics that seem very personal to you. I really like the line “This summer I found light held for autumn”, as it really acts as a metaphor for the idea of seasons changing. I really like how personable the poem is, and I notice a lot of repetition with the word “And”, and it makes me wonder what the storytelling idea is behind this choice. I think for me, some of the way the stanzas are structured is a little hard to follow. Some of the line breaks make the poem flow a little out of sync. I just think my only critique is to be wary of the structure, but that is my only thing.
Sister
“Melodies like pollen drunk bumble bees” and “Say words that start with L” are such powerful lines. If I recall, we read this exact poem in class, and I believe it is a poem about the relationship between somebody and their sister. The relationship is incredibly apparent in the writing, and I love the lines I previously mentioned. I have said a lot about the interpretation of the lines and how I have viewed them, and my only question is what are the true interpretations of the lines?
The Scale
It seems like this poem is about looking at the scale of life and weighing out your decisions, as the first line and stanza mentions the idea of this person achieving their tenth birthday. It almost seems like a coming-of-age story, as evident with the line “Tasting the cake like it was the years ahead of me”. I like this line in particular because of the fact that it feels like the tenth birthday is a huge milestone of the individual’s life. I also really like how the poem is just one stanza that has some sort of balance, as the middle lines seem longer than the first and last ones. I think this poem works really well as one stanza.
Antihero
This poem is both very short and very mysterious. It is very cryptic in the way it is written, and I like how it lets our imagination run more rapid. The line “Humble is under my bed” is such a great line, as it really encompasses the identity of someone who is considered an antihero. The whole poem feels like the inner thoughts of an antihero justifying their actions. I do think the poem could be a tad longer, but overall, the writing is effective, and it also is very mysterious, which works with the content of the poem.
Maeve:
Sterile
This is a very short poem composed of one full stanza and lines with the same number of words in them. The lines “A white room with 4 walls, A blank canvas that has never been touched” are good metaphors for the idea of sterility, and I also like how you open the poem wit referring to it as a disease. My only thing is I would like to know why you made the poem so short? I feel like there is a lot of potential to add more to the poem in that way.
Ice
This poem is also short, but it is also so scary and a great metaphor for the idea of life. “We are all born water, guppies grouped together” is a great way to start the poem, as it sets the tone for the comparison of humans to water and ice. I also like how you mention the line “some people turn to ice, looking for a heater to return to their pure self”, as it is a great metaphor for a person stuck in a certain place at their life. I notice how brief you keep your poems, but how strong your lines are. I would just like to know your writing process more thoroughly, if that is ok.
Endeavorment of Meeting Someone There
Unfortunately, I do not have a whole lot to say about this poem, as it is incredibly short, but I am intrigued by it. I wonder a lot about where you are taking this poem and the idea behind the endeavorment of meeting someone. Where is the “there”? Who is the “someone”?
Boiling
This poem feels like the idea of reaching a certain boiling point and standing up someone or something that has suppressed you in your life. You mention “As I was drowning, you tied rocks to my legs”, implying the idea of someone intentionally weighing you down. I like how assertive the poem is, and it makes me wonder about the deeper meaning behind the poem. Also, the line “It simmers in her chest”, but I wonder if you meant to put “MY chest”? I wonder who the “her” is in this situation?
Quez
“Love” The poem is really short and I like that about it. It felt almost like it’s describing the different parts that make up love. My only suggestion would be maybe using some punctuation.
“Memento” To me, this poem seems to be about memory loss and feeling disconnected from oneself. I really like the way you broke up the lines at the end, and my only suggestion is maybe using punctuation.
“Goal” I think this poem is using slow walkers as a metaphor for those who need more time in completing tasks. I really like the line, “Goals achieved through baby steps”. My suggestion is to try breaking it into two stanzas, maybe after the word impatience.
“For the Night Owls” I really liked how the words you chose make me think of nighttime, like stars and luminescence. I also like the part about nights in and nights out. My only suggestion is to break up the second line in some way. I felt like it was hard to tell if the speaker or the stars were the one dreading the daylight.
Arianna
“Cardboard Peacock” I think this poem is about being fun and flashy on the outside, but not feeling as if there is more to you on the inside. I really liked the last stanza, but it felt a bit disconnected from the others, specifically the second one. I feel like the second stanza doesn’t fit as well, and maybe could be worked on.
“Theme Parks Kinda Suck” This poem is about not enjoying something your friends do, so you stay on the sidelines and watch them have fun. I think there is some underlying meaning here, maybe about relationships, but I couldn’t really figure it out. I like that it might not really be about roller coasters, so I think maybe making that more clear would make it even better.
“A Letter to a Name” I see this poem as being about a complicated relationship with a family member, and the confusing feelings that come with it. I really like the opening line a lot, it drew me in and made me want to read more. I like how the poem starts with hating someone, but then the feeling towards that someone changes throughout the poem. I am a little bit confused about the family dog line and what that means. I also think that the hospice line goes against the final line, so maybe it would be good to pick one direction to take it in.
“Poem for a Crow” I think this poem is about missing someone who left. I really like the second stanza, it created very vivid imagery for me. I did have some confusion on the first line, I wasn’t sure if it is part of the poem or not. I also want to know if you meant to write should instead of shouldn’t in the third stanza, or if I am misunderstanding something.
Wen:
For the Mariner:
This feels like a very dramatic, dark, beginning of a story or that it could be extended into a story. The imagery is really hitting here and the word choice is immaculate that really brings you into the story/the point you are trying to get across. I think the line breaks are essential the way you have them and to not change them.
In the Black:
With this one I can’t deny, I am a little confused about what is happening here. Or maybe I do have some sense of what is going on. I just feel reading this is making my brain a little foggy trying so hard to understand it. Nonetheless though you did an amazing job with it and painted a great picture of standing in the water.
The Sailor’s Bastard:
I am starting to see a great pattern in these poems which I am not complaining about. I enjoy reading the different styles, all sort of revolving around the same topic but telling different stories. I think that’s a super cool approach that not many students have done. It is good in the sense that it keeps me, as a reader, engaged in what you may be trying to say in all these poems.
Uncovering:
Again, with the line of storying, amazing. The metaphor for rocks in tidal pools to discovering something new about yourself was a really strong way to draw the reader in. This gives those who can relate a new way to look at it, a very cool way. Also the idea of the way the “new thing” is hidden and can become hidden again after figuring it out… this might not make sense… I’m trying to figure out how to word my words here, I apologize!
Eliza:
Dreams:
I believe this is a poem about escaping the complex life of living as a human to be one with nature—still living but not human. I really enjoy the simplicity and power this poem has. I can appreciate the choice of words and sense of freedom described in this poem.
Porcupine:
I like the topic of porcupines as they truly aren’t appreciated enough-–forgotten creatures even and I am guilty of that. Reading this poem makes me more intrigued in porcupines. I like the approach taken in this poem, specifically looking at the line, “of all the animals to pick, why, must you be the one.” In other words, “I adore you so much but your defensive pricks are a barrier keeping us apart” which I found to be really cool.
Persephone Brings Spring:
In this poem, I like how it makes me think, I wasn’t sure what Presephone was so I had to research. After learning she is a Greek Goddess of spring the poem is coming through for me. I think this does a great job at describing said Goddess in such a poetic way.
Fantastic:
This is honestly one of my favorite poems we’ve read in class. It is so comforting and fun to read. I just very much enjoy the feeling of comfort it brings me with the imagery in the poem. I think you do a great job at painting a picture of the movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox. Though it is short, it leaves an impression.
Sarah
“Prey of Birds”
I really like the hawk metaphor that opens the poem, it creates an immediate sense of tension and betrayal, and the closing image of “You made the kill, / They got the scraps” is especially powerful. It makes me wonder who the “they” are who turned a blind eye, since the poem suggests a group that should have protected the speaker but didn’t. One revision you might consider is smoothing the line “Throw away without deliberation,” perhaps changing it to something like “Thrown away without a thought” to help the rhythm flow more naturally.
“TENSE?”
I really like the way this poem blends intimate emotional tension with sweeping natural imagery—lines like “Where the alps met their reflection / And the land consumed us” feel cinematic and beautifully disorienting, capturing how a relationship can feel larger than life. It makes me wonder what specific moment or choice led the speaker to ask, “When did I overstep?”, the poem hints at a turning point but leaves it intriguingly open. One revision you might consider is adjusting the line “You could have encompassed / Your in mine” for clarity and flow, perhaps changing it to “You could have been encompassed, / Your hand in mine” or another phrasing that clarifies the intended meaning while keeping the emotional weight.
“Simon Pond”
I really like how this poem deepens the sense of returning to an earlier self, images like “To bask with the sunfish, / To wail like the loons” beautifully tie personal growth to the natural world, making the homecoming feel both emotional and ecological. It makes me wonder about the line “The cruel touch is timeless”, is it referring to the coldness of the water, a memory, or something symbolic about growing up? One possible revision could be to clarify or slightly reframe that line so the reader better understands the kind of “cruel touch” being invoked, while still keeping its poetic intensity.
“The Laundry Lady”
I really like how this poem turns the ordinary buildup of tasks into something almost tactile and tender, lines like “Warmly placed back together / With extra care for the creases” make the act of getting organized feel gentle and restorative rather than burdensome. It makes me wonder what “leftovers from prior outings” specifically represent for the speaker, are they literal items, emotional residue, or unfinished responsibilities? One revision you might consider is adjusting “Pulling it back to it’s original form” to correct the contraction and refine the rhythm, something like “Pulling it back to its original form” or “Returning it to its original form” for smoother flow.
Shep
“Unbroken Trustworthy”
I really like the way this poem turns beauty into something dangerous rather than comforting, lines like “Every smile rehearsed / Every gentle hand begging” capture how charm can become a mask, and the closing statement lands with a chilling clarity. It makes me wonder what specific experience or moment led the speaker to see trust as “a puzzle with missing pieces,” since the poem hints at past betrayal without naming it. One revision you might consider is refining the final line to echo the poem’s earlier imagery—something like “Even the beautiful learn to fear the hands that reach for them” to deepen the connection between beauty, suspicion, and vulnerability.
“Like Insects”
I really like how this poem builds a whole ecosystem of insect imagery to convey emotional overwhelm, each comparison feels precise and unsettling, especially the line “Like larvae curled under the skin of silence / their stares burrowed, feeding on my gaze.” It makes me wonder what kind of encounter or confrontation the speaker endured that left them feeling so exposed and dehumanized, transformed into that “husk on the pavement.” One revision you might consider is smoothing the transition into the final image, perhaps adding a brief hinge phrase or tightening “And when it ended,” so the shift from frantic motion to stillness lands with even more force.
“Hollow Hands”
I really like how this poem treats evil not as something loud or dramatic, but as something intimate, bodily, and gradual. The line “the slow erosion of flesh into thought” is especially striking, capturing how wrongdoing begins quietly, long before action exists. It makes me wonder whether the speaker sees this “echo of sin” as universal, something everyone carries, or as something they’ve personally witnessed growing inside themselves or someone close to them. One revision you might consider is smoothing the shift from the list of sins back into the reflective ending, perhaps tightening “An echo of sin” by grounding it in the imagery you’ve already built, like “An echo of sin, breathing beneath the bones”, to bring the poem’s physical intensity full circle.
Suppose
I really like how this poem turns the surreal into something tender and intimate, the image of “the moon tucked under your arm” whispering a half-remembered language feels both magical and strangely familiar, and the way ordinary spaces (the kitchen, the floor, a chair) become cosmic makes the whole piece feel dreamlike in the best way. It makes me wonder what the speaker is being “lifted” toward, whether this is a metaphor for inspiration, dissociation, wonder, or some kind of internal awakening that can’t quite be written down. One revision you might consider is clarifying the line “one word glows bright enough / to life you from your chair,” by adjusting “life” to “lift” unless the choice is intentional, fixing it can smooth the reading and let the imagery shine even more clearly.
Heather
“Highway Fox”
I really like how this poem gives profound emotional weight to something most people ignore, the image of the fox “fur painted red, / its own blood as the medium” immediately strikes grief, and the compassion in wondering about its unseen life (“was the fox a mother?”) makes the poem feel deeply humane. It makes me wonder about the moment after the speaker drives away, does the guilt linger, or is the poem itself the act of honoring the fox the speaker couldn’t bury? One revision you might consider is tightening the line “I had an instinct to call someone,” by giving a clearer sense of who, animal control, a friend, anyone, so the emotional urgency matches the intensity of the earlier imagery, without losing the poem’s vulnerability.
“The Nightmares of October”
I really like how this poem moves with raw immediacy, the physical sensations (“my hands are turning red,” “the ringing in my ears stops”) pull the reader directly into the speaker’s panic, while the final image of the birds lifting her spirit brings a heartbreaking gentleness to an otherwise devastating scene. It makes me wonder whether the speaker has ever tried to revisit this memory outside the shed, how they carry this loss in their daily life, since the poem shows the moment so vividly but leaves its long shadow unspoken. One revision you might consider is clarifying the line “I hear a loud noise that I do not wish to describe”, even if the full detail is intentionally withheld, you could give a hint of its nature or emotional impact, so the transition into the dogs’ cries and the speaker’s breakdown feels even more cohesive and grounded.
“Plant Eulogies”
I really like how this piece balances gentle humor and quiet grief, the tactile details (purple watering can, singular pink flower, naming the plants) make the losses feel intimate and oddly domestic, so the repeated failures land as both tragic and painfully relatable. It makes me wonder whether the plants are mostly a mirror for the speaker’s fear of responsibility or a way to grieve something larger. what does “killing” them mean beyond the soil and pots? One revision you might try is tightening the arc and sharpening the ending: trim a few of the explanatory lines early on (e.g., shorten the list of watering mistakes) so the moment the cactus blooms and then dies hits harder, and consider reframing the final retrieval of the pots, make the impulse to keep them read less like a comic afterthought and more like a charged gesture (for example, a single, concrete image or a short line that reveals why the speaker can’t let go).
“To Fly Away”
I really like how this poem uses the scene in Maine as a quiet moment of self-recognition, the black bird against the blue water becomes a powerful symbol for feeling out of place yet exactly where you’re meant to be, and that sense of kinship gives the whole piece a gentle, reflective warmth. It makes me wonder what specific fears or doubts the speaker carried into college, since the line “I actually survived past high school” hints at a much heavier backstory. One revision you might consider is adjusting the line “Its’ Large Wingspan takes off” to fix the apostrophe and smooth the flow, something like “Its large wingspan opens wide as it lifts into the air”, which would keep the image strong while making the phrasing more natural.
Shep:
Unbroken Trustworthy:
I appreciate how there’s a lot to break down with this poem. I see this poem as a statement on how we present ourselves to the world and in turn how people interact with us. It almost presents itself as a double-edged sword where beauty does get attention, but it might not be the best kind. I like that there’s a question and answer in this piece; I feel like it gives us a clear idea of what you want to be understood from this poem, and it also gives readers something to think about. I wonder what you mean by gentle hands begging — like a rehearsed handshake or a plea? I also find the transition from talking about a puzzle with missing pieces to a specific/“sharpened” question a little jumpy; perhaps a line between those could help clarify or make for a clearer transition.
Like Insects:
I see that this poem is likening the author to insects, and it appears to have five stanzas addressing different insects or their characteristics. I think the breakdown of the stanzas is interesting, as each one starts with a simile. I can appreciate the cinematic image of a moth trapped in a jar. I feel like this poem ramps up as it refers to each insect. By the time we’re at aunt’s, I can clearly imagine being scattered as that animal and within my own life. I also appreciate the spacing at the end; I feel like it makes readers take a moment to pause and reflect on the great use of the word husk and what it means for insects and, in this case, the author. Be mindful of spelling, and you could potentially elaborate on some of these insect-adjacent characteristics, like under the skin of silence.
Hollow Hands:
This is an incredibly uncomfortable poem; breaking down some of these lines like recoil at empathy is an amazing way to describe the feelings emanating from this poem. I like the peculiar comparisons made throughout this poem and the loose structure between shorter and longer lines. I also think the ending quote is a perfect way to wrap up the message, and I feel like after reading this it lingers with me.
Suppose:
I feel like this poem walks us through a story — like when your kid wakes up at night and wanders around the house. The star references make this poem dreamlike and give it a nice flow. Great imagery when it comes to sentences stretch like constellations and letters curling like comments! I wonder if this is a poem for general motivation and creativity or if it’s about a certain subject; it might be interesting to develop lines that include more context if necessary.
MacKenzie:
Last Night, You Came Back:
Considering the context that this is a dream, it’s a longer recognition of what it’s like to dream of someone you miss. Aside from relating to it, I like the flow of these words and the airy feeling this poem gives as it shows us the feeling of something just out of reach. I wonder if restructuring the stanzas would give it a different feel — maybe giving the world paused its own line. It would be an interesting way to see how the tone changes and how certain lines could hold more weight.
Summer Sun:
This poem is talking about the author’s relationship with someone and how it developed over the seasons. It’s interesting to align key transition moments in the relationship to the temperature changes in the season. This poem feels very push and pull, with one line saying warm and the next being cold — looking above and below. It gives a sense of looking back at something in retrospect and still having lingering emotions. I wonder if elaborating on looking above and the leaves beneath their feet would add more to the development of their story.
Living Grief:
The poem is longer and thorough and holds a lot of weight that shows this person is constantly on the author’s mind. It’s interesting to notice that this is all stated in first person — eyes and use — there is never a “we” mentioned. I think the longer lines work for this poem; they hold their own topics and are digestible with the commas. I also like how the first two stanzas start with questions. It might be interesting to follow through with that concept and restructure the third stanza.
April:
From a bigger picture, this poem is looking at two months during the time period of a relationship. It questions what happened and the aftermath of this relationship. I love the personification in this poem — brows tied together, put you in the dog house, seen as paint thinner. I also like the ending stanza statement that is I am January. The length of the poem definitely shows the internal dilemma for the author. I wonder if playing around with the line and stanza order will highlight some of these more descriptive lines.