The Lonely Sailor
This poem is four stanzas, and they all seem to be of similar size. I’ll be brief with this poem because I think that it’s damn near perfect. I loved the way you introduce a thought into the beginning of each stanza and then follow it with a deeply existential question that this lonely sailor would have. The fact that these questions do not have immediately obvious answers strengthens the whole poem for me. No questions and no suggestions your honor.
TIME
Another well-written poem! As with the previous poem, I like the posing of questions at the end of the first two stanzas and I think that you did a smart thing avoiding that in the last two stanzas of this poem. I want to know who you are talking about when you write this poem, if that’s something you are willing to share.
Suppose
I remember reading this poem in class and I honestly would not change a thing about it. In my opinion, it was one of the best poems we have read this entire semester in class. You have this deep access to a part of your mental that allows you to produce really great poetry. I’ll be sure to talk more about this poem in class so that I can better encapsulate my thoughts on this one.
Close
This poem hit a little close to home for me because it made me think about the relationship that I have with my brother (it’s not great). This poem speaks to my own ideal of having a positive relationship with my sibling and it does a great job. I recognize that this might not be a poem about yours or a sibling, but that’s really what it tells me as the reader. I want to talk more in class about the last two lines (or stanzas) of this poem. My main question is: Why include these two lines where you did?
Little Girl
I really like this poem for a couple of reasons. The first is that I did not have to stop at any point while reading it to allow my brain to catch up, or to re-read anything that I may have not understood. In other words, it was completely digestible for me. Another thing that catches my attention from this poem is the progression of the message it is conveying. Right at the beginning, I was curious as to what you meant by “no longer wilted.” I believe you did a great job explaining that to the reader in a clear way. Honestly, I have no comments on how to improve this poem, it’s a much better piece of writing than I am currently capable of editing and revising.
Marked
This poem was different from the last one that I spoke about in that it is much further away from normal-ish language (it’s very poetic). I thought that your choice of metaphor was interesting, because in one sense I get it, but in another a plate with grime on it seems much different than a human with physical or emotional scars, if that’s what this poem is referring to, not for me to say. I am enjoying these poems so far. Forgive me for not being too critical about them.
Seasons and Reasons
This is a very clean four stanza poem that talks about the changing of the seasons and what comes from that (forgive me if I am off at all). I enjoyed this poem more than the first two, just because of the images that came up in my head while reading it. I loved the thought of leaves bleeding into their gorgeous colors in the fall and the frost creeping into the deepest corners of the world. Pretty much all of your imagery caught my attention and made me really love this piece of writing. As far as questions and suggestions go, yet again I have none.
Dear Over-thinker
This was your poem, haha! First of all, this is a six-stanza poem, the lines growing at each new stanza. This was a clever way of connecting the physical look of the poem to the title and the content. As you probably already know, I can be an over-thinker at times, so this string of words and how they are set up really spoke truth to me. This is how most of my thoughts work in my head. My only suggestion, and this is just one of my personal preferences, is to maybe re-think the repetition of the “dear over-thinker” line. It just seems a little off, maybe I can expand on this thought more in class today.
7 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 14”
https://jsabia.uneportfolio.org/peer-review/
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The Lonely Sailor
This poem is four stanzas, and they all seem to be of similar size. I’ll be brief with this poem because I think that it’s damn near perfect. I loved the way you introduce a thought into the beginning of each stanza and then follow it with a deeply existential question that this lonely sailor would have. The fact that these questions do not have immediately obvious answers strengthens the whole poem for me. No questions and no suggestions your honor.
TIME
Another well-written poem! As with the previous poem, I like the posing of questions at the end of the first two stanzas and I think that you did a smart thing avoiding that in the last two stanzas of this poem. I want to know who you are talking about when you write this poem, if that’s something you are willing to share.
Suppose
I remember reading this poem in class and I honestly would not change a thing about it. In my opinion, it was one of the best poems we have read this entire semester in class. You have this deep access to a part of your mental that allows you to produce really great poetry. I’ll be sure to talk more about this poem in class so that I can better encapsulate my thoughts on this one.
Close
This poem hit a little close to home for me because it made me think about the relationship that I have with my brother (it’s not great). This poem speaks to my own ideal of having a positive relationship with my sibling and it does a great job. I recognize that this might not be a poem about yours or a sibling, but that’s really what it tells me as the reader. I want to talk more in class about the last two lines (or stanzas) of this poem. My main question is: Why include these two lines where you did?
Little Girl
I really like this poem for a couple of reasons. The first is that I did not have to stop at any point while reading it to allow my brain to catch up, or to re-read anything that I may have not understood. In other words, it was completely digestible for me. Another thing that catches my attention from this poem is the progression of the message it is conveying. Right at the beginning, I was curious as to what you meant by “no longer wilted.” I believe you did a great job explaining that to the reader in a clear way. Honestly, I have no comments on how to improve this poem, it’s a much better piece of writing than I am currently capable of editing and revising.
Marked
This poem was different from the last one that I spoke about in that it is much further away from normal-ish language (it’s very poetic). I thought that your choice of metaphor was interesting, because in one sense I get it, but in another a plate with grime on it seems much different than a human with physical or emotional scars, if that’s what this poem is referring to, not for me to say. I am enjoying these poems so far. Forgive me for not being too critical about them.
Seasons and Reasons
This is a very clean four stanza poem that talks about the changing of the seasons and what comes from that (forgive me if I am off at all). I enjoyed this poem more than the first two, just because of the images that came up in my head while reading it. I loved the thought of leaves bleeding into their gorgeous colors in the fall and the frost creeping into the deepest corners of the world. Pretty much all of your imagery caught my attention and made me really love this piece of writing. As far as questions and suggestions go, yet again I have none.
Dear Over-thinker
This was your poem, haha! First of all, this is a six-stanza poem, the lines growing at each new stanza. This was a clever way of connecting the physical look of the poem to the title and the content. As you probably already know, I can be an over-thinker at times, so this string of words and how they are set up really spoke truth to me. This is how most of my thoughts work in my head. My only suggestion, and this is just one of my personal preferences, is to maybe re-think the repetition of the “dear over-thinker” line. It just seems a little off, maybe I can expand on this thought more in class today.
https://eohara.uneportfolio.org/2023/11/21/peer-review-11-21-23-link/
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